Tam has requested a pairing for a Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay. Tam is a friend and I know for a fact that he doesn't even like Chardonnay. More importantly, he knows for a fact that I don't like Chardonnay. Tam, you're evil - we should hang out more.
Alright, if you're going to drink a buttery, oaky monstrosity, pair it with "Freaky Friday" (2003). The movie is about and the wine tastes like turning into your mother.
The Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay is somehow popular. If I had to guess, most of its customers are middle-aged divorcees that need a strong drink and that lost half their tastebuds in the settlement, because otherwise this wine would sell no bottles. You have to have gotten to a dark place to want something like this. Its heavy-handed use of barrel aging completely overshadows any natural fruit flavor. If you didn't already know otherwise, you'd never guess the wine was ever a plant. At least its alcohol content is through the roof - you won't have to suffer long.
Don't bother chilling the wine before starting "Freaky Friday." If you're drinking this stuff, you may as well go full ice-cube in the glass, it's not going to make matters any worse.
"Freaky Friday" (2003), directed by Mark Waters, is based on the 1972 novel of the same name by Mary Rodgers. Through a pair of magical fortune cookies, Tess Coleman (Jamie Lee Curtis) swaps bodies with her teenage daughter Anna (Lindsay Lohan), forcing them experience each other's lives. Tess, now in Anna's body, must navigate the complexities of high school, including dealing with a difficult teacher, handling a crush, and performing in a rock band. Meanwhile, Anna, in Tess's body, has to manage her mother's career as a psychologist, plan a wedding, and take care of her younger brother. As they struggle to adapt to their new lives, Tess and Anna gain a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other's challenges, strengths, and emotions.
Body-swap comedies get a bad rap, but mildly racist fortune cookies aside, "Freaky Friday" is cute as hell. Energetic and funny, the movie delivers laughs while still sharing some moments of true empathy. That said, it's deeply predictable and it practically shouts its jokes, interpersonal dynamics, and messages at you.
Why They Pair Well
Neither this wine or this movie have any subtlety. Kendall-Jackson isn't trying to make a good wine and "Freaky Friday" isn't trying to be high cinema - both simply give the people what they want. The Chardonnay is a gleeful trainwreck, like the hash that Tess and Anna make of each others lives. As much as you want to hate the wine, thanks to its high ABV, it will get you drunk and happy like the movie. And maybe your mother's wine rack isn't exclusively Chardonnay, but my mother's sure is.
Now, if you'll please excuse me, I need to go eat an entire lemon to clear my palate.
By Eddie Beeby
What wine would you pair with Freaky Friday?